Are you a bad customer?

Do you think you're a pretty decent customer at a bar? Really think about it. Have you ever done one of these things?

 Ordering your drinks

• Don't wave or shout 'oi' at the bartender, please. We just won't serve you 'til last. 
• Also, waving your money at us doesn't work -  we don't go all magpie like "Ooh, look at the shiny shiny, I must serve them now!"
•  "What's the cheapest?" A fellow barmaid pointed this one out. How about you drink what you like. If you can't afford to, why are you out?
• We are capable of remembering more than 3 drinks, so don't say it like you're talking to a baby. Okay, so I'll double-check and say "Was that one with coke?" and you can say "Yeah'. I'm half just making conversation with you really, be grateful. 
• Don't lay your money down on the wet bar and make me scrape it off like a desperate idiot. I wouldn't just lay your change on the bar - I put it in your hand.
• Do not ever take your ice out of the glass and throw it all over the bar. I will make eye contact throughout with an angry look on my face. JUST ASK FOR NO ICE YOU IDIOT.
• For my sanity, if you're in a group of friends and you all want a drink of water, don't ask one by one. It's not like you're even spending any money while I'm running to the tap five times over! 
• Why would you not have your money out and ready? You've just complained that you haven't been served quick enough and the bar is 4 people deep. Do you have problems or what?
• And for gods sake, just say please and thank you. It honestly ruins my mood when someone just yells 'Jagerbomb" in my face. Yeah, what about a Jagerbomb? Oh you want one do you? Sorry, I didn't realise because you didn't ask!

Making a mess

• Why on earth do boys insist on turning a shot upside down when they've miraculously downed it? It's not clever and it doesn't impress me. It just makes me clean the spot I've cleaned 30 seconds ago.
•   The same goes for a plastic cup - why turn it upside down and crush it. Why?
• Don't complain about the floor being sticky if you're going to spill your drinks over it all night. 
• I can only speak for the women's toilets, so WHAT THE FUCK? In my short time as a barmaid, we've had someone poo on the floor - right at the side of the toilet - how? Sanitary towels STUCK to walls and how do you always manage to block the toilets? I'd also like to thank the people that flooded the women's toilets yesterday as it took me 2 buckets full of water to mop up. 

Tipping 

•  First of all, I don't mind if you don't tip. As long as you say please and thank you, and maybe even raise a smile to me, I'm happy.
• But don't say "Oh I feel like tipping you because you're so good!" And then don't tip.
• I also don't want to keep the change if it's 20p, I put it in the till, sorry.
• Foreign people have been much better tippers in general. When we've been struggling to understand each other but get there in the end, a tip and and a "Thank you for your patience" makes my night 100 times better. 
• I'd also like to say thank you to the girl that simply wrote 'fishbowl plz' on her arm. I asked what she wanted in it and she just shrugged. She didn't speak to me at all, but when I gave her a five pound note back, she rummaged in her bag for two 50p pieces for me. It was lovely!

 So there you go, just be polite and you'll make a little barmaid a happy one :)