How not to pull bar staff

Since I went blonde, I've had a lot more attention off boys from across the bar - and don't even get me started on while I'm on promo! And more attention means more dismissals I have to give out and more of the bitch face that most of us have perfected. Once again, can I just say that doing 5 shots of sambuca, then turning the shot glasses upside down doesn't impress me, so please do not make eye contact because I'll only tut as I clean up your mess.

Just because I'm the magical lady giving you alcoholic drinks and a smile - because it comes with the job description, does not mean I want you to chat me up, or talk to me at all. I want to serve the staring customers at the side of you. 

A particular highlight of mine was someone's really poor attempt to chat to me but he couldn't even make eye contact, so proceeded to leave his business card facing me on the bar. It went in the bin and some of the staff had a quick look for it later on to send lovely messages to him. No.

Another awkward moment to note was when a boy was out with what I can only assume was his father during Freshers (yes, really) who said to him: "She seems nice, talk to her!" Again, just no.

It surprises me how the male staff get more attention than the girls sometimes. Adam regularly gets mistaken for being gay when he isn't. It probably didn't help when a man asked me how good looking his friend was on a scale of 1 to 10, so I told him Adam could definitely help out in that department. Adam said 10 (I thought he wasn't gay?) But he reckons you can only say 0 or 10, otherwise you sound like you're considering it. Nice logic there Adam... He reckons he always gets the "I'm asking for a friend... Are you gay?"

I saw Lewis get his hand kissed by a man yesterday. I then saw him walk away shaking it as if the germs would just fall off.

We got a new manager over a month ago and he turned out to be alright after all the worry about our job security. I have a laugh with him like I do with everyone else. Last night I decided to really ruin his pulling chances as he was talking to a group of ladies when we'd shut and I was cleaning sticky tables. I went over and said: "Dad, when are you taking me home?" If looks could kill... We all couldn't stop laughing at it. He never said anything afterwards, so I know he's plotting his revenge.

Ryan always gets loads of tips. I can come out with 25p and he'll get a tenner. What?!

 

Tom once wrote his number on his arm... Not that he actually got any numbers back mind.

When I asked the staff what their best up lines they'd been given was, Elliot replied with "I like your arms". I said that that couldn't have been a good chat up line. He replied with: "It worked."

I love hearing other staff's chat up lines because they're always worse than mine. 

Roxy got an old man licking his money before giving it to her yesterday. She definitely should've licked his change. 

Philippa once witnessed a man get his penis out to hit the boxing machine with, whilst making eye contact with her throughout. I doubt he got a very high score, just a little sore.

Our photographer, Charlie, got asked if she was single. She said no and got the reply of "Oh what, you're not a guy?" The poor girl.

She says she see's the girls waiting at the bar, resting their boobs on it in the hope of getting served faster. The only problem is that the bar is wet and sticky, so more fool them. Tom has had the ingenious idea of not serving them, so he gets to stare at them longer. Dirty.

I think the moral of the story here is that chat up lines for our bar simply do not work. Or maybe it's just that they are really really really bad ways of telling someone you're interested in them.

 

This is basically how all customers appear when it's hot and sweaty, been  long night, and when you just don't need another crappy chat up line.